Actually, it's been over six months since my last entry. Wow. Apparently I've been busy, or something. Other than school, I have no idea what I've been so busy doing, but whatever. Most of my personal writing time has been devoted to my potential book, so I guess I haven't had journal writing on my mind.
It is summer. I survived my first year at Portland State. I didn't do as well as I would have hoped, but it was quite a fucked up year for me, so I can't feel too bad about it. Having my family history and attending a university is a miracle in itself.
I'm a bit distracted at the moment with my two new kittens attacking each other around my feet. Yes, that's right, two. Milla and I wanted a kitten, and my mom's boss' cat had some, so we went to get one from him. I wanted an orange one, because my mom convinced me that orange male cats are the best cats to have. And after hanging around her orange male cat, Mr. Little Feller, I had to agree. I love that cat, he's awesome. So, I picked out the larger of the two orange ones (and also the more ornery). However, there was this little black one with white feet that Milla fell in love with. She somehow managed to convince me to get him as well. Keita helped, she insisted that we needed two of them because we're gone a lot, so if we got two they'd keep each other company. She didn't seem to think that a chihuahua was company enough. The other conflict was the name issue. Milla and I could not agree on a name for our new kitty. So with two, we each got our own, and could thus name them whatever we wanted. So, my little orange bastard is Sir Blumpy-Wonk, and Milla's black kitty is Mindfreak. She actually went through about 20 different names on the way home before settling on that one. I call him Freak for short.
Anyway, that's my most recent excitement. I am supposed to be job hunting. I need a job for the summer, or I won't be able to pay rent. Oh, I guess I should mention that I got an apartment. It's a shitty two-bedroom upstairs apartment in SE, right by 82nd and Holgate. Ugh. The only cool thing about it is that it's just a few blocks from a cemetery. Well, that and it's my own place, and I'm no longer living with my mother. But it's quite expensive for what it is, and I'd really like to find someplace cheaper, but I don't think I can move again any time soon. So, I need a shitty job. I'll probably end up doing fast food, especially with this economy, but that's better than nothing. Even minimum wage for the summer will be enough to get me by.
Transition... I'm about 16 months into it now. I'm a hairy bastard. I don't know what more to say about it, it has sort of taken a backseat in my life. I'm just some guy now. I'm still me: Antisocial, weird, and lonely. I see Keita some weekends, though since she no longer needs me for math class, the visits are becoming less and less. I hate being used, but I'm pathetic enough to take what attention I can get. Though I'm finally getting sick of it. I know she doesn't want to be with me, and I don't really want to be with her, either, but we both seem to have issues with being alone. I'm actually quite used to being alone, and though it can be miserable at times, I adjust well to it. I'm one of those people who will probably die alone.
Oh, I'm back on antidepressants finally. Haha, it's hard to tell, isn't it? I'm not really depressed, just more bored than anything, really. It would be nice to have friends to hang out with, or just talk to. I'm sick of hanging out with my mom. I still go over there almost every day.
Well, this is getting more and more pathetic, so I think I'll stop.

Yeah, obviously I didn't really keep up like I said I would. Oh well. Not like anyone reads it anyway, right?
So... what has been going on in the past three months? Quite a bit. Tomorrow is my 10-month T-Day. Yay! I can't believe it's been almost a year since I started. I have experienced significant changes. My voice is awesome. I have quite a bit of facial hair, though I could still use more, but most transguys I've talked to are pissed off because they have very little in comparison, and have been on T for much longer than I have. Sorry. I just tell them it's my hairy Mexi-Jew genetics.
The rest of my body has also developed quite a bit of hair. My belly is covered, and my chest is getting hairy, though not too bad yet. My chest size has diminished quite a bit, which is something I didn't expect. With a binder, I look totally flat, it's amazing. I've also lost a lot of weight since I began T, though. During the first few months, I gained a lot of weight, and was looking a bit chubby. But over the past few months, I've dropped significant poundage. It's almost to the point of being unhealthy, actually, but I haven't been able to eat much lately. Oh well. Then I got the flu yesterday, and haven't really eaten in two days, so that doesn't help.
As for non-physical issues... well, things aren't great, but I suppose they're improving. I'm STILL with my fucking mom. Ugh. I really didn't expect to be here over three months later, but oh well. Things got all fucked up with my housing, and now I have to wait until my next financial aid payment before I can afford to move, since I have to pay for it all myself now. I get money the day after X-mas, which is funny, in an evily ironic sort of way... But I think it's also good, it means I won't be able to spend it beforehand. I have a little bit left to get me through the month, I just can't buy much for people. Milla is the only one I'm really concerned about, but I think she's old enough to understand, and she wants to move out as much as I do. I think she's sick of sleeping on a cot in the hall, just as I'm sick of sleeping on a shitty futon in the basement. I have no privacy, no space, and it's driving me fucking insane.
I'm still not taking my antidepressants, and I've stopped taking Xanax daily. I take it every once in a while, if I really, really need it, but for the most part I've been fine without it. As for weed... I tried quitting again, but then yesterday when I felt really sick I gave up and smoked, because I knew it was the only thing that would settle my stomach a little bit. And it did, of course. But after this, I'll be quitting again. I haven't smoked at all today, actually.
School... well, I have learned that I absolutely HATE women's studies. The worst class ever. It's actually Gender and Critical Inquiry. I thought it sounded interesting, but it just consists of reading massive amounts of feminist literature then talking about it for two ours in class. Yeah, not my favorite learning structure. Statistics is horrible, just because the instructor sucks balls. I paid over $100 for the book and have opened it maybe once. She doesn't really use it, and that sucks not just because of what I paid, but because that's how I learn math! I can't just have a brief explanation in class and then expect to get it. She doesn't give us homework from the book or anything. I'm supposed to take the next level of it next term, but I'm afraid I won't know what the fuck is going on because I haven't learned enough this term. Ugh. I need it before I can take any upper-division psychology classes, though. Which brings me to psychology... I love that class. It's the one class I have an A in, with very little effort. I'm glad it's my major. I'm also taking this Intro to Pre-Med class, which is just an hour a week telling us how impossible it is to get into med school. Wonderful.
What else... Keita! Yeah, we're sort of back together now. She totally shunned me all summer, and I had basically given up on her even as a friend really, other than someone to talk to on the phone a few times a week. She was seeing some lame girl that she didn't really like. I still don't know quite how it all happened, but I went to visit her in Corvallis for the first time since I'd moved, I believe it was early October. I had absolutely no intention of anything happening, I was there strictly as a friend. Apparently she had other ideas, though. So we slept together, and she broke up with her girlfriend a few days later, and we've been seeing each other every weekend since then.
It's great when I'm with her, but this long distance shit fucking sucks. I want her to move up here, but she doesn't want to leave her job. So we have to settle for weekends for now. I think I can convince her to move eventually, but I imagine it's going to take some time. Hopefully I can hang on that long.
She's doing much better with the gender thing, though. She uses male pronouns all the time, even when it relates to sex, which I never thought was possible with her since she was so concerned about being "straight." She has yet to call me her boyfriend, though. I don't really care about that as much, I'm just glad that she accepts me now for who I am.
Well, I suppose that's enough rambling. This is quite long, I feel bad for the poor soul who actually does read this shit.

Yeah... I haven't been doing a very good job of keeping up with this site, obviously. Oh well. I doubt many people read it anyway.
A lot has been going on in my life in recent weeks. I just passed my 4-month T-Day, well, on the fourth. I also just graduated, officially, last Thursday. It was great to finally walk, and be a part of the LBCC commencement ceremony. At the same time, it was a bit depressing, mainly because half the people I invited didn't how up, and then there was the issue with my nephew.
Apparently my sister's boyfriend, Jesse, doesn't want their son, Solomon, to be around me because I'm trans. So, my sister, being the passive person she is, didn't let Solomon come to the graduation. I'm also not invited to his birthday party coming up. It's fucking bullshit, and she knows it's bullshit, but she doesn't know what to do about it. She's being controlled by that stupid fucking asshole, and it pisses me off.
I guess I should have expected some major losses as a result of people's reactions to my transition, but I definitely didn't expect it from Gayle of all people. We've been through hell together, we fought against the tyranny of our evil family together, and now she's fucking ditching me for her ignorant fuckhead of a boyfriend. It just amazes me. I mean, I could deal with losing half of my family, because, well, none of them were my sister. But this is just fucked up. Even Max, my brother, thinks it's ridiculous. He's a fucking Marine, and he's way more accepting of me than my pseudo-hippy minority activist sister.
Anyway, other than that crap, I'm excited to finally be done with LB, and The Commuter, and moving on to bigger and (hopefully) better things. I'm moving next month, and I have my PSU orientation on the 10th, where I'll get to register for classes and speak with an adviser and everything. And I just found out that they offer a Sexuality, Gender and Queer Studies Program at PSU! It's only a minor, but it's still fucking cool! I'm definitely taking that.
We went to the Portland Pride Festival this weekend, it was fun. Milla loved the parade, she got a ton of candy and random crap that everyone was throwing. She totally loves drag queens, too, it's fucking hilarious. She's going to be such a fag hag when she gets older, I can already tell. It's great. I think it's good for her, to grow up with so much diversity and acceptance in her life. Not only will she be accepting and tolerant to people, but she'll be free to express herself in her own way without fear of abandonment by me or anyone who loves her. People keep acting like I'm damaging her by what I'm doing, but they don't get the larger picture of the situation; I'm vastly broadening her horizons of life, and she'll be a better person for it.
What else... Oh, the end of the year Commuter party was cool. I got my bound edition of all of my year's Commuters, and everyone autographed it and everything. It's so cool. Haha, which reminds me, for my graduation Keita got me this white graduation wiener dog that you can sign, and everyone signed it for me. It was really cute.
We (Keita and I) had this huge fight just a few days before about accepting me as trans, and while at the time it seemed like she was being a giant douche, I think it actually helped because she's been better about it since then. She was pissed when she found out about the Solomon thing, too. She said that she'd thought about everything I'd said, and read the blog I wrote about it, and decided that it is more damaging to me than her to call me "she" instead of "he."
Pam was really pissed about Solomon, too. She hasn't totally adjusted to my transition, but she knows it's wrong to banish me from my nephew's life, and I can tell she's trying. She even called me Davis last night, it was great.
My dad has actually been pretty supportive of it. At least he was. But then he didn't go to my graduation, so I don't know what the fuck's up with that shit. Today is Father's Day, and I never called him because I was pissed about the graduation thing. He won $25,000 in the lottery, and I was going to have him help me with deposits, but I don't know if I want him to now. Fucker.
Well, I suppose that's about it. It's all kind of random and jumbled, but that's sort of how my mind has been lately. I really need to start smoking weed again.

Keita is moving out this weekend. She's staying at her mom's house for now. I'm still not entirely sure how I feel at the moment; the only definite feeling I have is that gnawing panic in the pit of my stomach that I feel when I know I'm alone. I'm so contradictory. I like being alone, but when I am alone, I freak out about it. I'll get over it in time, but the first few nights always suck balls.
I think overall I've been rather numb toward the whole breakup. I mean, I've been depressed, but I haven't shown any real reaction, even to myself. It's one thing to pretend to be strong as a mask for others, but the mask doesn't come off when I'm alone. I haven't cried at all. Is this the product of being male? Could be. Were my body still flooded with estrogen, I may have a different reaction.
It's been hard on Milla more than anything. She's pretty upset about it. I think she's just worried it'll turn out like it did with Sheena, who hardly ever sees Milla anymore. It sucks. Milla asked me, "Is this going to happen with everyone you're with?" and all I could say was "I don't know," when really I do know; the answer is...yes. I'm not meant to be with anyone forever. Milla's still young, so she doesn't quite understand that concept.
I want to smoke a bowl so fucking bad!! I'm seriously considering it. I know I need to find a job, but I've been looking, and there isn't shit right now, so I may as well give up the idea.
Wow, it's so weird in here without the fish tanks. It's quiet, and dark, and empty...like me... well, maybe now I won't have to pee as much since I won't have to listen to the constant trickling...
Three more days and it'll be two years since I first met Keita on MySpace. Haha. Next month would have been our two-year fuck day anniversary... I think it's funny that it took us a month to have sex. I guess in this society that's a long time. I never expected us to remain together as long as we did, either. Two years. Wow. Well, almost anyway. It was a good relationship, though. Unique. We each valued our space, and allowed each other space. And the sex was great. Fuck, I'm horny.

I have been on T for almost three months now (will be on the 4th of May). In some ways, it seems like time has flown, and in others, it seems like it hasn't been nearly long enough. I'm nearing another impatient point again, I can tell. I was impatient the first month or so, then things really started changing, and now they changes aren't as obvious again, so it's annoying me. I mean, the changes I have thus far experienced are obvious, but any further change is more subtle. Just more hair here and there, and my voice sounding all funny. It's deep, but I can't talk loud or it cracks. Haha, it's annoying. I always thought my voice would be louder when it got deeper, but people can hardly hear me when I talk, and if I try to talk louder, I sound like a dumbass. And I have a cough right now, so it's even worse.
Anyway, yesterday was Keita's 20th birthday, so I don't feel quite as evil as I did when she was only 18. Haha. Things have been... well, not great between us lately. I think our relationship is nearing its end, unfortunately. The main thing keeping us together is the fact that we love each other, but that's not always enough to stay with someone. We love each other, but we're so different now, and want different things in life. Haha, actually, one of the problems is we want one of the same things - women! Haha. But I'm a man now, so she doesn't want to be with me.
I've been a bit depressed lately, about that and about my life situation. I've graduated from school, yet I'm stuck there working for The Commuter, and not getting paid for it. I have no money, and nothing to do with my life for five out of seven days a week. I've looked (not very well) for a job around town, but no place that I'd even consider working at is currently hiring. I'm getting close to resorting to a shitty fast food job, like Taco Time. I refuse to work at McDonald's or Burger King, though. I wouldn't mind working in a coffee shop or something, but even that is looking scarce. I know Starbucks wouldn't hire me, they don't allow any visible tattoos, so that means I'm screwed. Haha. Even with long sleeves, I have my hand and both wrists tattooed. Can't wait til I try to get into med school....
I am excited about my graduation ceremony coming up. I'm really looking forward to being able to walk, FINALLY! Haha. It's not something anyone in my immediate family has ever done, at least not for college. Gayle graduated, but she didn't walk. She could this spring, but she doesn't want to. I guess it's not quite as important to her as it is to me. My mom is making me invitations for it. I feel like that's about all she's willing to do, though. She doesn't really seem to care too much that I've earned a college degree. Sure, it's just a shitty associate's degree, but it's still way more than she has. And I think that's the problem; she's jealous that her children are better educated than she is. She may even feel resentful toward us because she feels that having three kids held her back from it, but Gayle and I both have kids, and we've still managed to succeed. Hell, Gayle is pregnant with another and going to UofO, and she's taking care of her 13-year-old brother in law. Well, Pam is a product of the 70s, so it's not surprising how she turned out. I love my mom, but we have very different values.
Anyway, I suppose I've done enough rambling. I just haven't written much lately, so I thought I would.

I looked back at my personal journal entries, and discovered that my last period was on Feb. 22. So that means it has stopped... either that or I'm pregnant, and I really don't think that's the case. I hope not anyway. One kid is quite enough for me.
So I'm happy about that; the testosterone is winning the battle of the hormones at last! I didn't expect the period to stop so soon, I thought it might take another month or two. I've been on T for almost two months, which actually isn't that long. It's amazing how much change I have gone through in that short of time, though. The other night I was reading, and something kept irritating my chest, and I realized that it was my chin hairs rubbing against it when I put my head down. Haha. Like the rest of my hair, my facial hair is coming in very thick and very dark. Eventually I'll be one of those guys with a constant 5-o'clock shadow.
I'm also quite happy that my acne hasn't been horrible. It wasn't bad the first time I went through puberty, but I was a little worried. But it's not bad this time, either.
What else... oh yeah, my brother, Max, is back in town. He just got back from Iraq. I'm happy that he didn't come back crazy like my cousin Keith. We're going to Portland to Pam's today because she's having a little "welcome back" party for Max. It's funny, him and I look so much alike, except that he's like a foot taller. Keita took our picture together, and I put it on MySpace, and his wife Didie commented on it and said, "I can't tell you apart!" I wonder what she thinks about us looking so much alike. I mean, we're not twins or anything obviously, but we do look disturbingly similar. Haha, and Tesla, Keita's sister, came over when Max was here on Thursday and said, "Wow, you guys sound alike now, too!" My voice obviously isn't as deep as his, yet, but it's getting there.
Well, Milla's bugging me to make Kool-Aid, so I should go do that.

I got the “F” changed to “M” on my permit yesterday! I’m very excited about it. Of course, I only have my shitty interim ID again, but it says I’m a male. It’s great. I should get the real one in about a week or so. It was so funny going up to the lady at the counter and saying, “I need to get the sex changed on my permit…” Hahaha, she was like, “Oh, ok…I don’t do this often enough to remember what to do…” so she had to ask someone, then look up my therapist’s name on their little “approved therapists list.”
I was really nervous walking up there, and I didn’t feel well to begin with, but once I said it, I felt better. She called me “he” and everything, which was nice. I think I’m passing better as a guy now anyway, because of my voice, and I’ve also gained some weight so my face isn’t as thin and feminine.
I watched this movie last night on Netflix about trans people. It was called “Gendernauts” or something like that. It was quite interesting, and it had that Max Valerio guy who’s book I read. It was weird, though, because while I agreed with most of them on how gender isn’t black-and-white, male/female, and that there is an entire spectrum of gender, I didn’t really feel the same way about my own identity being so fluid. I used to, which is the really odd thing. But now I think of myself as male, and I feel uncomfortable with any female reference to my identity. Maybe it’s all just part of trying to pass, and it’ll go away over time, but I don’t know.
As I thought about it, I realized that my previous identity of “ungendered” was sort of a fall-back identity that I adopted because I felt at the time that I couldn’t really be my true self (male). I felt forced into being female, and unable to be the man I was meant to be, so I did a bit of a compromise with settling in between the two. Now that I said “fuck society” and went ahead with my transition, I feel much more secure in a male gender identity. Many of the people in the film were perfectly OK with being called either “he” or “she,” and that’s great for them. But that doesn’t work for me.
What’s even funnier is that when I first read Max Valerio’s book, he talked a lot about how he went from being a lesbian feminist to being a straight man, and how not only his identity changed, but so did many of his values and concepts of gender. It bothered me, and I kept telling myself “That’ll never happen to me! That’s so stupid!” and yet…it is happening to me. I’m becoming, well, a guy. So when I saw him on the film, he seemed the most like a “real” man, and he was the one with whom I identified the most.
The other thing I found interesting in the film was the transguys’ voices. They were deeper than typical females, yet they were still slightly feminine. They spoke like stereotypical gay men, actually. I don’t think I talk like that, except when I do it on purpose to be a douche, but then I don’t know. It’s just the inflection of their voices that sounds so feminine. Fortunately for me, I think I’ve always kind of spoken like a guy, with short sentences and a bit of a monotone, so that’s a plus.
I don’t know…I guess my point is that as I get further into this transition, I’m feeling more alienated from transgender people, and it’s kind of scary. I don’t want to be just another asshole straight guy; I still care about the transgender community, as well as the LGBQT community, and would like to be more of an activist for both. But, I also just want to be a guy.

I am at my mom's house right now, which means there are three chihuahuas in my presence (and a beagle and a mastiff).
Anyway, I had an appointment with Reid earlier, which is the reason we came up here. Almost didn't make it, too, and I was 10 minutes late, but that's alright. We mainly talked about my relationship with Keita, and how she's dealing with my transition...or rather, not dealing with it. At least not very well. It was helpful to have his feedback, but at the same time, I know it's not really something him and I can solve. Keita is the only one who can help herself in this. I mean, I've done what I can to be supportive, but at the same time, she needs to decided what she wants in this relationship, and whether or not she wants to stay in it.
I understand that it makes her uncomfortable to view me as a male, and she really doesn't want to say she's with a guy, but she doesn't seem to understand my discomfort when she uses female pronouns, or when she corrects herself but says it in an almost annoyed tone, like it's this huge inconvenience for her to say "he." It just makes me feel like shit.
Anyway, overall it was a good meeting. He also said he'd send me a letter for the DMV, so I can get that changed finally. I mean, I'm not totally passing yet (far from it), but I will be soon, so I'd like my ID to match. My voice is changing rapidly, and seems deeper on an almost daily basis. I was just listening to my voice recordings from when I first started, and from a few days ago. Haha, wow. It was so different, it's like a different person.
Mavis is sitting at the foot of the bed whining to get up. Little shit.
Anyway, I'm done with school. I got a B in biology, a B in health, and a C in chemistry. Oh, and a pass in hip hop. Haha. About what I expected. Actually better than I expected, especially since I finished most of the health class the day everything was due. And the B in biology totally took me by surprise. So that's good. So, I guess I've graduated now. I just have to wait for my degree. I don't know if they're going to send it to me or what, or if I have to wait until June when I walk. I hope not. And I really hope it has the right name on it, I'll be so pissed if it says my old name. Ugh.
I'm taking weight training, CPR, and first aid next term, just so I can stay at The Commuter. I really need to go to PSU and change my name there, and get everything situated. I don't know when I can register there, but I imagine it's soon. I can't wait to start taking more psychology classes. I really miss psychology.
That's about it I suppose. It's only been a few days since my last entry, so I don't really have much new to report. I took my......8th dose of T today. My neck and chin are really starting to get hairy. I could care less about a mustache, but I really want a little beard. Haha.

The depression thing hasn't improved. If anything, it's gotten worse. I haven't been this depressed in a while, and it scares me. I used to have major emotional issues. After 3 years of therapy and the right combination of meds, I managed to lift myself up enough to survive as a relatively "normal" human being, emotionally speaking. But lately.... it is just not good. 
I don't know what to do anymore. Had a HUGE argument last night, over basically nothing. The whole episode was completely unwaranted, and left me feeling worse than ever, and now I don't know what to do about it. 
I have therapy on Thursday, but it's only for a half hour to get a revised letter to my doctor for hormones. Besides, I'm starting to feel that my old therapist has absolutely no desire to get involved in my gender issues. I'd like to talk to my new therapist, but I have to pay for that, and I'm broke until next week. That and he's in Portland, so I have to find a way up there in addition to paying $60 to see him. 
I need to get another job, which sucks, because I'm in school full time, I work for the fucking paper full time, and then I have homework... not to mention a kid to raise. I don't spend enough time with her as it is. 
I just want to shut down and give up, but I can't do that. I have so much going for me now. I'm two months away from graduating college. I have a ton of homework that I haven't done yet, because of all the shit I've been dealing with. I have to write a couple of articles for The Commuter by tomorrow, too. Good thing about being the editor is that I can extend my own deadline to the very last minute, and if I don't get something in tomorrow, I can do it Tuesday morning at the latest. 
Anyway, I suppose that's all my bitching for now. It would be nice to have a human to talk to about it, but writing it helps a little.  

Well, this is my first entry. Wow, how boring is that? How many people start out their first entry saying exactly the same thing? Oh well. Today is Jan. 6, 2008. I go back to school/work tomorrow, and I'm pretty happy about it. I've been at home for the past month doing nothing but clinging desperately to my sanity.  Ok, so it hasn't been that bad, but I'm certainly ready to go back and have some human interaction.
It's going to be difficult, however, because I'm going back as a new person. The student body and my Commuter staff have known me as my former, lesbian-female self. When I return to school tomorrow, I will be my new, straight-male self. But since I have not began hormones yet, I still look and sound pretty much as I did before, so I know that transitioning is going to be difficult to start out with. No one is going to take me seriously at first, until my voice starts to change. 
I got a text last night from Cheese, my sports editor. I had sent out an e-mail to all of the staff saying that my name has changed, and so he said some sarcastic remark about me being "Ms. LaMuerta." I told him it wasn't Ms., then he of course said, "Mrs?" and I said fuck no, and he said, "Ok, then it's Miss." I gave up on his ignorance, and said, "Whatever, I'll explain later." 
I know I should probably have said something already about my sex changing as well as my name, but I think it's something that should be done in person, for some reason. I don't know, maybe not. Maybe I should have mentioned it in the e-mail, but I'm going back tomorrow, so I might as well just wait until then. 
Another issue is going to class, and having the teacher use my old name. I'm still registered under that name, because the change hasn't been completed yet. I still have like 3 weeks to wait. So, I'll have to go up to all of my teachers at the beginning of class and inform them of my new name (and probably new gender) before they take role, so I'm not made horribly uncomfortable. Again, though, the big issue is that I'm well-known at LB, being the editor-in-chief and former opinion editor, so my name and picture have been in that damn paper almost every week for the past two years. I've thought about writing a brief little explanation of my transition for the first week, but I'm still debating on that. 
Anyway, that's what's going on right now. I'm still trying to get in to see a doctor for hormones. I did go see my new therapist on Friday, and that went well. He had a hell of a lot more information than my previous therapist who knew nothing of gender identity issues. The new guy, though he's in Portland and I have to pay out of pocket, is much more worth it, and I'm glad that I was made aware of other options. 
Other crap...well, things are going alright with my family, except they still use female pronouns and my old name. Not even Elizabeth, but my OLD fucking name that I hate, and refuse to even write here. But yeah, that needs to stop. I am Davis, I am a guy, and they need to adjust to that. But I'll give them all time. Again, I think it'll be easier when my voice starts to change and everything.